Another day has gone by and another valuable lesson learned. While I’d like to say that I imparted some great wisdom on my kids, they have proven once again that they can often have a greater ability to teach me than the other way around. So what did these brilliant four-year olds teach me this time? That I need to start asking them first.
We’ve all been there, realizing on our way out the door that we need some additional, integral this-or-that for the upcoming outing. In my latest instance, that must-have was mittens. While the kids are otherwise ready to go, I frantically search, feeling as though I have already checked every place twice to no avail. I look in places that they would never be, because I’ve already looked twice in all the usual spots. The frustration mounts and time ticks by, so now the assumption of lateness piles on – the lack of preparation so evident in this fruitless search. A few grunts and heavy sighs are emitted, the slightest venting of that parentally-supressed anger in a feeble attempt to forestall completely losing it.
This time though, teetering on that precipice, the vicious cycle was broken. My salvation came from my four-year old daughter, who sweetly asked what I was looking for. In a far too gruff and frustrated response, I barked back “I’m looking for your mittens…sweetie” – the delayed endearment a lame attempt to somehow mask my unwarranted tone. Instantly, she tells me they are in pouch on her bike. Mystery solved. Sanity recovered. Epiphany reached.
I realize now, that over these past few years I have grown accustomed to being the finder of lost things (most of which I lost initially), preparer of meals and agenda, launderer, and the all-around go-to guy for the kids’ stuff. All of these tiny little tasks and chores culminate in the quintessential stay-at-home parenting experience, yet they have fortified a routine of mindlessly getting things done just so we can move on to the next task. Particularly in those moments of frustration, when I have a million things to do and feel like I just have to get it all done, it’s the perfect opportunity to get my kids more involved.
I have to stop thinking that every task is mine alone to complete as this simply isn’t the case anymore. I have kids now, not babies – little people that can think, react, and yes, help. The seemingly endless daily chores need not be entirely parent-centric as they continue to take more responsibility for their actions and contribute to the household. These new skills, whether seemingly minor or major, are all part of a glorious trend toward self-sufficiency. And while this is certainly a common parental goal that we all share, we can both marvel at our kids’ development and also celebrate the impact it also has on our own lives. It’s a small step toward a much larger, and ideally lifelong, trend. As a family, we’re all in this together and despite the myriad motivations, whether selfless or selfish, our goals are still perfectly aligned. I’m proud of every step my kids have taken but I shouldn’t be ashamed that my life becomes easier with each one too. While it’s utterly magnificent that my sweet little girl showed empathy and a desire to help – traits that I’ll always try to instill in her, a little sliver of my sanity could have been preserved this time if I had only asked her first where those mittens were. I won’t make that mistake again. My kids aren’t the only ones growing up here.
Stuck with Dad 